Sunday, 3 August 2014

A note of thanks


Just a quick note of thanks to the charities who are receiving your kind donations.

Despite my raising a relatively small amount of money compared to some people I have met, all four of the charities I am supporting have been in touch over the course of the last seven months. 

Some have been kind enough to read this blog and correspond via twitter and email. It has served as a reminder that there are some wonderful, engaged and enthusiastic people doing great things in the charitable sector, and I am delighted to have been put in touch with them, simply by being a conduit for your cash.

That is the one part of this project where there is only upside.

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13 things I have learned

I seem to have fallen into the habit of ticking each month sober off with a blog post. This time around a list of the good things and a list of the bad things.

Good things:

1. I am being slightly more productive. Just. With one less thing to think about and one less drain on my time, I am getting more stuff done. For a freelancer, this is a positive.

2. I have a bit more cash kicking around.  Before this year I'd maybe go out locally one or two nights a month, and up to town once a month. That could add up to £100 quite easily. A hundred extra quid in the kitty per month, and lo, suddenly I have more tech everywhere.

3. I don't just drink for the sake of it. I used to do a lot of this. Have a drink because I'm offered it. Have a drink because there's a cold one in the fridge. Have a drink because it's been a long, long day and I deserve it.

4. I must be healthier. I don't feel it. I haven't lost any weight. I don't feel any more energetic. But there are no physical benefits to taking alcohol, so I must be going through some kind of mild detox.

5. I am doing some reading around the subject and forming a reasonably coherent position on psychoactive drugs. Alcohol is far more damaging than some of the illegal ones. There's an inconsistency there that needs to be addressed. In the long term I think that means making access to alcohol more difficult and legalising some of the other psychoactive drugs. Big change in our culture, but it makes sense.

6. Once you stop using alcohol as a way getting through an occasion, you find other ways to enjoy it. That can mean gravitating towards other people who aren't drinking much/anything and making new friends and connections.

7. Getting home after a night out is an easy, stress-free process.

8. Your mental editor never goes awol, leaving you less likely to type/say something stupid.

Bad things:

1. I'm enjoying music much less. The sort of music I like goes well with alcohol. I'm not sure what good "dry" music is.

2. I do like sitting around and chewing the fat with like-minded people down the pub. I've tried that sober a couple of times this year. It's not the same.

3. The anticipation of seeing good friends and (as my former housemate used to say) "feeling boozy" is sometimes as much, if not more fun than the actual drinking and socialising itself. That's gone.

4. I don't really have an off switch, or a hobby that is so absorbing I can just focus on it and forget everything else. Alcohol is a very good off switch and its capacity to destroy the awareness of time allows you to live, briefly, in the moment. There's a price to pay for that, but sometimes it's worth it.

5. Living outside of the alcohol bubble for a moment does reshape your views. I am always happy to learn, but when you see what alcohol is, the way it's pushed and the way we have welcomed a destructive and insidious substance into our culture it makes you think twice about the wisdom of drinking. Now, knowing what I know, I'm not sure how comfortable I should feel about giving alcohol as a gift or letting my children drink before they're 18. I'm sure when this is over I will remember how to enjoy a cheeky pint, but for a while it will be tempered by knowing that the brief period of release is more than compensated for by the damage it is doing to you both physically and psychologically. At the moment I feel like having a drink is an act of conscious stupidity, not something someone my age should be doing.

That said, we're all going to die anyway, so I'm not going to get too hung up about it.

Happy Christmas!

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Fundraising target reached. Or not.

Happy days. I've sort of reached my fundraising target. Well, you've reached my fundraising target. I haven't contributed a thing. 

I should rectify that. Can I contribute to my own sponsorship target? It seems a bit pointless - why not just give the money direct to the charities? Feels like cheating, contributing to your own target.

Anyway I've/you've only sort of reached "the" fundraising target, because it's only more than £1000 if you include the gift aid.

So I suppose we haven’t reached the target. Or have we? Gift aid is a very confusing thing in that regard. 

Let’s push on regardless. Let’s make it a definite reaching of the fundraising target. If you haven't yet donated and were thinking that you might, please consider clicking here, right now. 

If you don’t have the first clue why I’m asking you to do this, click here.

Amy, my 9 year old, asked if I got to keep any of the money I raise over the course of the year.
"No"
"What, not even £50?"
"No"

She seemed non-plussed by this.

Thank you to everyone who has made a donation. I know none of you hope to or have any wish to see your money again, but the prospect of giving it all back twofold made a genuine contribution to my abstinence, especially early on. 

When I realised having a drink before 1 Jan 2015 would cost me upwards of a grand, the chance of failing to make it through the year fell to zero. The way to this man's willpower is through his wallet.

Seriously, your generosity has astounded me. I expected to be begging for money come December to make the total. I frankly had no idea I had so many rich friends.

If you would like to read a blog post about my blog, written by someone from the sober bloggers directory, who had an issue with my attitude to not drinking, who I then wrote a response to, who then posted up my response as a separate blog post, click here.

If you'd rather ruminate on whether gift aid should be acknowledged in helping measure the complicated allegiance of necessity, creativity, friendship and opportunity which characterises the exchanges between a fundraiser, sponsor and charity, or whether it simply a government-licenced side-effect of altruism, here's some thinking time for you. Use it wisely...

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And, relax. Till next time.

Friday, 18 July 2014

World of Sober

There's a whole world of sober bloggers out there. I have affiliated.

I'm not sure if by only being sober for a year I'll be perceived as a bit of a tourist.

We'll see. Anyway they want me to post this link http://soberblogs.gotop100.com/in.php?ref=893 on my blog as a condition of affiliation which suggests to me the whole thing is a SEO scam anyway.

We'll see.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Factotum

Charles Bukowski
Just finished Charles Bukowski’s Factotum. It’s a good book. I read Post Office and Women when I was younger. 

I find it much harder to enjoy a novel now. I generally turn to biographies, long-form journalism and reference books. My current bedside reading is a bunch of factual material about drugs and alcohol, but I couldn’t help picking up some fiction on the subject. Hence Bukowski.

The trouble with reading a classic like Factotum is the tendency to over-layer it with so many filters - why it was written, how it was received, what it provoked, what the author was (not) trying to say. Then there's the difference in my own response to Bukowski’s writing now and how I felt twenty years ago. It’s difficult not to be distracted by changes in personal and cultural frames of reference. 

Whenever I’m in danger of losing myself in a piece of fiction I can't help thinking about the processes outside it. It's not enough to enjoy the content for what it is. I have to know how it was made, why it succeeds, how others enjoyed it and what the author was trying to achieve in creating it. 

I first noticed this at gigs. I used to be entertained by the music. Then I found I was more becoming more interested in the logistics of making an event happen.

Fiction is reduced to a code for what truth the author is trying to communicate to the reader. It might be nothing more interesting than “look how good I am at making you turn these pages. Tell your friends to buy my book.” It might be something more complex. 

That said, without an interesting text, the context is irrelevant.

Monday, 30 June 2014

Interim conclusions

Hello, my name is Nick Wallis, and I have now not had a drink for six months. I am planning not to have a drink for another six months. This blog charts my progress.
Yes, this is a fundamentally weird image.
I've been looking forward to today, because it means the amount of time I have left to complete this task is less than the amount of time it has taken me already.

In my mind, I've reached the peak, and now I'm snowboarding joyously downhill, waving to people as I glide merrily towards the foot of the mountain. In reality, I'm only half way to the summit.

The overriding sensation I have experienced through staying dry over the last six months is one of boredom. People said I would feel much better. I don't feel any better. I don't feel any worse. That's what teetotalism does - iron out the extremes of experience so that the best you feel is okay, or possibly chipper.

I have to be careful here, because there are people reading this blog who have been through the mill with alcohol, and feeling "okay" or "chipper" is akin to a state of grace. If alcohol was such a problem that abstention is the only answer - more power to you.

It's only through researching peoples' experiences and the clinical effects of alcohol that I've got some way close to understanding what problem drinking might be. Here's a massive over-simplification:

1) If you are drinking the equivalent of a bottle of spirits a day, you're probably addicted to alcohol.

2) If you are drinking the equivalent of a bottle of wine every day, you should be worrying about your alcohol consumption and its long term effect on your health.

3) If you ever binge drink to the extent you wake up with chunks of the evening missing from your memory, you've given yourself brain damage.

The amounts in points 1) and 2) apply to male drinkers. For women, the equivalent might be as little as two thirds of a bottle of spirits and two thirds of a bottle of wine.

Point 2) is probably not a maximum "safe" level any more than 21 units a week for male drinkers is anything other than one-size-fits-all-take-an-educated-guess at "safe".

Point 3) is a sign you need to work out ways to manage your blood-alcohol level whilst you are drinking. Going at the wiring in the under-stairs cupboard of your brain with a blowtorch is not going to end well. If sweet oblivion is what you seek, the way to avoid it without drowning in ethanol is to make sure you start drinking when you are a) at home and b) really tired. You'll soon drop off.

The question of a safe amount to drink is one I keep coming back to. 21 units a week for men (14 for women) seems ludicrously low. It was, as we now know, a guesstimate reached by a panel of worried clinicians in the late eighties. The parliamentary report I have just linked to insists the figures were "not plucked out of thin air", but it also says that alcohol is the leading cause of death for 16 - 24 year olds, which is perfect bollocks.

Alcohol is a the leading contributory factor in the deaths of 16 - 24 year olds but of itself does not cause many deaths in that age group. This suggests to me young people are doing alcohol badly, in the wrong place at the wrong time. We owe them a debt of better cultural education in how to take a powerful drug safely.

If we assume government advisory levels of alcohol consumption are set at the safe end for a 9 st, 5'5" male with below average metabolism and organ function, then we can perhaps see why some people would think the idea of sticking to drinking a pint of 5% lager every day, or seven pints of 5% lager over the course of a week has no relevance to them.

Knowing what I know now, I can at least see why that panel of clinicians reached the conclusion they did, but that doesn't stop it being inaccurate and ineffective.

In my correspondence with Dr David Marjot, an expert in alcohol and addiction studies, I asked several times how I could find out what actually was a safe amount for me to drink, figuring if I knew the real answer, I would be more inclined to stick to it. Certainly when you read about the damage alcohol can do (and the myriad ways it can do it) you realise you are dealing with a substance that demands respect.

Dr Marjot not only couldn't tell me, he couldn't really tell me where to start:

"It's a very good question you ask and we might try to answer it or find there is no answer in the literature. We need an answer for each organ. It will be dose, genetics, body weight, organ susceptibility, general health, nutrition etc etc."

There is a movement called Moderation Management, the MM to Alcoholics Anonymous' AA. Their recommendation is never letting your blood alcohol content (BAC) go above 0.055%. To give you some context, this is some way below the UK drink driving blood alcohol limit of 0.08%.

On the face of it this method make slightly more sense than a straight unit check. Unfortunately it is impossible to know what your BAC might be unless you have tested it against whatever you are drinking to achieve it.

Why does all this matter? Well, it matters to me because I enjoy a drink. Other people ride bikes, go abseiling or learn how to fly helicopters. My hobby involves sitting around with a bunch of sharp-minded, articulate friends and chasing the ideas around words. The catalyst for this is often alcohol. But I don't want to drink so much it is doing me damage.

It matters on a wider level because the relationship we have with alcohol is right on the front line of what it means to be human in the 21st century. What do we, as a society, perceive as the reason for our existence? Here are some ideas. Please feel free to add your own:

To procreate.
To ensure our childrens' success.
To fulfill a higher plan.
To have fun.
To be rich.
To enrich others.
To work harder.
To keep the economy ticking over.
To live longer.
To be creative.
To be more successful than our peers/friends.
To be a good citizen.
To find love.
To buy more stuff.

Alcohol can (and does!) significantly affect all of the above.

The argument about crossing the road always comes up in this sort of debate. "Maybe I should cut down on my drinking, but I might get hit by a bus tomorrow." Ah but, so the argument goes, people have to cross roads to earn the money they need to survive. They don't need to drink.

No one needs to ride horses or go skiing, but once we've earned enough money to survive, many of us engage in risky behaviour for fun. Taking psychoactive substances, like alcohol, is one those behaviours.

Going one step further, having this break from booze has made me realise just how much the sociological, political and legal ramifications of steering us towards alcohol and away from other narcotics reverberates through our culture.

The illegality of so many drugs which could do far less harm than alcohol if they were legal (note - legal does not mean abundantly available) is a logical nonsense. Decriminalising other methods of intoxication in the safest manner possible may help us all be freer, happier, more productive, creative and healthy. It could also reduce crime, the pressure on the NHS, boost the economy, and reduce anti-social behaviour. But that's not where we are.

The dangers of opening up access to alcohol without proper care and consideration is a recipe for disaster. But that's where we are. Alcohol needs way more cultural voodoo around it. Drinking to excess is part of the human experience, but it ought to be done far more carefully than it is now.

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This exercise in sobriety has a fundraising element to it. If you would consider a donation I would be most grateful. Either click here, or on the Virgin Giving link on the right of this page. If you want more information on the fundraising side of all this first, please have a read of this.

Thanks.

Monday, 16 June 2014

Fathers' Day

Usually I get a bottle of single malt for Fathers’ Day. This year, for obvious reasons, I requested something different.

I got a maraca which doubles as a three-tone whistle (a step change in samba-oriented audio technology), some surf shorts to replace the pair I bought in Australia ten years ago and three lovely cards.

The above was my six year old daughter’s effort. A picture of a bottle of whisky, with a “For You” tag attached and crossed out. The “PS Do not touch” was added just to make sure.

It was bettered only by the envelope it came in.

“To Daddy”, it said “The 2nd Best!”

Me: “Who’s the best, then?”
Abi: “I am, of course.”

Fathers’ Day itself was fun, involving a family bike ride and picnic with a bbq on our return.

When it was all over with the kids in bed, I settled down with Mrs Wallis to watch the football. 


Normally I would have a beer. This time - ice cream.